Miss America gets to keep her job...*phew*, really dodged a bullet there

Oh my goodness, I heard the other day that Miss America almost lost her crown and I nearly flipped out while driving. Naturally being that I watch the Miss America competition every year. I do it in a little bar in Laramie way out where I won't be pummled to death for cheering when the girls do their talents. Can you imagine the sort of ass-whipping I'd get if I cheered?
Seeing Miss Washington get down on her hands and knees and then proceed to take out a cucumber slowly and seductively at which point she stands up. She looks at the crowd tantalizingly and then pulls out a kitchen knife and proceeds to make a Cobb Salad. I'd be impressed. I remember cheering like a little girl when I saw Miss Illinois play Hot Cross Buns on a recorder.
Upon the occasion of the Miss America Competition I go out to this little bar in the middle of nowhere and watch the show. This year, unlike most, I agreed with the panel who selected Tara Conner. So you can imagine that I was shocked when the news came out:
http://tv.msn.com/tv/article.aspx?news=245447&GT1=7703
I normally do not point people to MSN.com unless it is for FoxSports Net.
"I've always been a believer in second chances," Trump, who owns the Miss Universe Organization with NBC, said with Conner at his side." That's right, this quote is from THE Donald Trump, that's right The Apprentice's Donald Trump. And that is correct, he said he's big on second chances. I've got three words for you Don, "Eat a dick."
Tara Conner had been wrapped up in the crazy life that involved living in New York and being that she was from a small Kentucky town, the ability to drink wherever you want to because your tits are the size of the bouncer's head must have been a brutal reality check.
Now most would ask why this is a problem, this happens everywhere, but Tara Conner is, yes, underage. I know most of you are looking at her photo and saying "No way she's underage. She looks like at least 21." I know that all of you are saying that are male and you're only saying it because you're 47 and you need to know its somewhat okay to choke the chicken to that photo.
Donald Trump also said that Miss Conner will be entering rehab due to her drinking problem. Seriously, I'm sure that she may have gone on some benders, but it is nothing compared to what WyoTechers do in Laramie, their alcoholism would make Jack Nicholson raise an eyebrow and say "Man, I know I'm not that bad." I guess rehab will be a good place of Tara to finally understand herself and how everyone else on the planet is responsible for her alcoholism. I hear she plans to sue Anheuser-Busch next year.
How the hell can you neglect your duties as Miss America, you're doing nothing for twelve damn months! You go to places and take photos or you go and play with little kids. I've had harder jobs playing with myself. Was the pressure just too much on her?! New York City was just too divinely pleasuring to have to go on without benders most nights of the week. The bartender should've recognized her coming in day in day out transforming like a meth billboard of before/after photos and stopped serving her.
I guess I should thank her though...she's every American guy's dream girl...a totally sexy girl, who drinks like Robert Downey Jr.